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    Joe Citizens - new story, regarding Motability scooters. My favourite!

  • The Un-Civil Servant

  • BB

    BB is Bureaucratic Bullsh*t.
    It can also stand for Big Brother.
    In the civil service, they are one and the same.

  • What’s it all about?

    Bureaucracy is an umbrella term for official incompetence; that is, incompetence which has officially been sanctioned as being good practice. No-where in the world is that more apparent than in the British public sector. Misadministration of public services is the backbone of every government led department.
    Trust me, I’m a civil servant.

  • It’s a disease

    Bureaucracy runs rife through the corridors of power like a child riddled with ADHD, high on fizzy pop, crisps and jelly-beans.

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  • Bullsh*t Alert

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What Language Please?

Free Translation

If we get a call from someone who doesn’t speak English (you’d probably be surprised how many we get), we have to use a telephone interpreting service.  This is a three-way conversation between the helpline officer, the customer and the interpreter.  We can connect to an interpreter through this service almost immediately, for any language.  And this service costs a small fortune for every call.

Now, I didn’t get one of these today, but one call I did get prompted me to explain the reality of how we deal with these calls!

It was a call from someone who originally came from Slovakia.  The speaker was the son whose mother didn’t speak English, but his wasn’t too bad.   He told me what she needed and I complied, but during the call he said his mother had telephoned five times over the last couple of days and requested an interpreter.  The problem was that every time she was being connected to one, she was cut off.  Strangely enough, this seems to be a common occurence for calls such as these.  Any guesses as to why this might be?  Faulty equipment, perhaps?

Nope, your first thoughts were correct.  We cut them off!  Most of them anyway, and a lot of helpline officers do it.  The nightmare you have trying to sort out a problem whilst dealing with an interpreter who doesn’t have a clue how the benefit works is unbelievable.  Of course, we all take the odd one of these calls in the correct manner, just not to make it too obvious to the little Hitlers in the back office.  But it is amazing how many times I dial the wrong connection number and the recorded message tells me “this number is not recognised”, or as the connection is ringing my finger slips on the big red disconnect button.  They shouldn’t make it so big!  It’s very distracting.

Look, before you all start shouting the odds, don’t you think the lazy blighters ought to at least make the effort to speak our language before claiming our benefits?  Half the time we do connect with an interpreter, we could do with an interpreter for the interpreter!  It’s a bloody stupid service given solely so the big, fat, soft, lefty do-gooders can say we’re embracing diversity and report to the politicians that all their asses are covered.  Bullsh*t!  As far as they’re concerned, ‘everyone has the right to converse in their own language.’  Even if a Welsh person who can speak English perfectly (and surely 99% of them do), wants to speak in Welsh, we have to transfer them to a nominated Welsh speaker!  Why?  What difference does it make?

One day soon, I am going to learn how to say, “F*ck *ff” in every language!



Bureaucracy cover art

Talk about BULLSH*T!  Take a look at this.  ARTICLE (read at your own peril!)  Only a quick look, mind.  If you read the whole lot, you’ll get serious brain ache and end up a dribbling mess.  Can you believe this is called ‘The Case For Bureaucracy?  What’s he trying to do, undermine me?  The very things this Professor of Politics at Mount Holyoke College says are NOT what governemt is, IS.  Take it from one who knows.  One who’s been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt, and bloody well works there!

Just look at the first two paragraphs.  He mentions so called myths of government.  Please believe me – they are not myths!  Here, for your enjoyment and amusement, is the first paragraph in which he describes the common view of what defines governments, and I qoute:

“Massive waste. Inefficiency. Poor service. Ever-growing organizations. Mindless rules. Reams of useless forms. The term “bureaucrat” also comes loaded with a whole host of negative connotations: lazy, hostile, overpaid, imperious, and inflexible. In short, bureaucracy and bureaucrats are unmitigated bad things – with absolutely no redeeming qualities.”

Yep.  Got it all sewed up nice and tidy in one perfect nutshell.  It sure is ALL those things.  Don’t believe his lies.  He is talking pure bullsh*t!  I bet he hasn’t got any friends and he was bullied at school.  He would make a cracking politician, just who does he think he is kidding, and did you see how many pages of that purile cr*p he was offloading?  Eight!  I bet no-one’s read them all.

Anyway, got that off my chest – now for the vodka.

Oh dear! Another BB hit.

BB alert!

Look at this.  We civil servants don’t actually bother learning all this rubbish.  We just let the politicians get on with it.  It keeps them happy.

How to say things the politician’s way.

Bureaucracy demands a politician’s answer.

Citizen: “What time is the next bus?”
Politician: “Buses are run at regular, short intervals to enable the public to travel to, from and between popular and essential destinations. Time specifics can be arbitrary due to traffic, weather and road conditions. Time, unfortunately, is an abstract concept, created by society and is therefore not an actual component of nature. It cannot be infallibly relied upon to accurately guage the arrival of any form of transport that is subject to surrounding forces beyond its level of control. In short, the absolute best we can establish is a relatively close approximation.”
Citizen: “F*ck off.”
This in politician’s terms is called ‘Being On the Defensive’: or Bureaucratic Bollards (not bollocks – though that may also apply).