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    Joe Citizens - new story, regarding Motability scooters. My favourite!

  • The Un-Civil Servant

  • BB

    BB is Bureaucratic Bullsh*t.
    It can also stand for Big Brother.
    In the civil service, they are one and the same.

  • What’s it all about?

    Bureaucracy is an umbrella term for official incompetence; that is, incompetence which has officially been sanctioned as being good practice. No-where in the world is that more apparent than in the British public sector. Misadministration of public services is the backbone of every government led department.
    Trust me, I’m a civil servant.

  • It’s a disease

    Bureaucracy runs rife through the corridors of power like a child riddled with ADHD, high on fizzy pop, crisps and jelly-beans.

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Monday Morning Blues . . .

Monday morning blues

. . . on Sunday night.  Yep, we all know about those.  But I get Monday morning blues on Saturday morning!  Oh, the dread!

I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes, just don’t expect it to be happy.


The Survey Says . . .

Well, Joes, how’s it going?  Can you believe it’s two years since I told you all about my work day?  Amazing how time flys by.  Time really doesn’t just go quick when you’re having fun, in fact, I’ve noticed that when you’re having fun, it’s usually because you’re doing something different to your usual daily slog or doing something you don’t do often.  And when you’re doing those things, time actually seems to slow down!  Whoever said time flys when you’re having fun must have been a politician.  They always spout bull.

Anyway, today was like any other at work.  Nothing outstanding or unusual happened, but the daily grind does seem to be getting worse.  Not just because every time I go there the ‘Soul Vampire’ who sits under my desk, drains a little bit more out of me, but also there are a lot of changes happening very soon.  Even without these changes (which I will bore you with at some point soon) the whole place is becoming excruciatingly wearisome.  It ranks only second in the worlds most undesirable place to work, just behind the ‘Bog of Eternal Stench.’ Mind you, saying that, I think I’d rather be a cleaner there than a helpline officer here.

Here’s something Joe Citizen does quite a lot that makes me giggle every time! (insert ‘throw my pen across the room in a vile temper’ for ‘giggle’).  Here’s the scenario:

  • Me: Good morning, may I have the customer’s surname, please?survey question
  • Joe: The customer’s survey? What’s that?
  • Me: The customer’s surname.
  • Joe: I’ve got a National Insurance number, is that what you mean?
  • No.  The surname!
  • Joe: Sorry, I don’t know what that is.
  • Me (giggles!): No, I want the LAST NAME! The SURNAME!
  • Joe: Sorry, why do you want the cat’s name? I don’t have a cat.
  • Me: WHAT IS YOUR. . . LAST. . . NAME?!!!

At this point they finally get it!  And my blood pressure has gone up, the girl next to me is laughing her head off and my supervisor has walked out of the room on pretext of getting a coffee so he doesn’t have to bollock me for being a twat!  You can’t blame me though, surely! That really does happen on a weekly basis – maybe not the cat thing though!

Apart from that, I had a brill day!  NOT.

Oh, and we have finally upgraded our work e-mail to Office 2010 from Office 2000!  Though we still have IE6, so it didn’t work for most people all day!  Our computer systems are sh*te.  But what can you do?  Nothing that happens there surprises me.  I only wish it did.

Back To Hell

Attestation for sick leave; issued in 1955 in ...

Attestation for sick leave; issued in 1955 in Germany (anonymized data). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, you lot may have had a two-year break from my BBB (Bureaucratic Bulls*t Blogging), but for the most part, I never left the rat infested sinking ship that is the uncivil service.

Where have I been?  Well, no where.  When I stopped blogging here about two years ago, I was just beginning a six-week sick leave of absence from work.  Six minutes away from work is heaven, but six weeks!  I tell you what – it was so good to have the devil off my back for a bit.  Why was I off sick for so long?  Temporary insanity.  Well, officially it was stress and depression, but I certainly felt like I was going insane!

For years I had warned my bosses I wasn’t coping.  I have tried so many times to transfer to another department, to reduce my hours, to beg for mercy!  But no.  They had to ignore my pleas and the inevitable happened, just what I had been warning them.  They really don’t give a sh*t about staff.  It’s all statistics and placating Joe Citizen.  As long as we pass on good stats to the politicians and our sorry ass customers don’t go knocking on their MP’s doors, they feel it is a job well done.  If it means the death of one or two of its staff, then so be it.

So, I am still in the same position I was two years ago and would you believe it?  The job has actually got worse!  I know, I can’t believe it either.  Utter sh*te!

At least it give me something to bash the keyboard about and Joe Citizen updated on our ridiculous government departments.

See you tomorrow – I hope!

Death by bullsh*t

I’m the sort of person that has to do a good job no matter what.  It’s how I was brought up and subsequently trained.  So when I notice failings in my own work, it bothers me.  I know full well that I could do better than I’m doing but the reason I’m not is because I am burnt out in my present position.  I need a change.

When I first started this job, I was part time and it was notoriously difficult to get full time hours.  Not because of financial constraints or a full headcount but because at that time, management knew there were limits to the job.  The few that were full time had come from other departments and so kept there original contracted hours but people fresh in could only get part time hours.  Management knew that taking call after call after call from the more ‘delicate’ members of our society put a strain on brain power and moral.  They also realised that the shelf life for being in the job was about two years.  After that time, employees tended to become tired, cynical and deflated.  In other words, totally worn out.

Unfortunately something terrible happened to management and their brains swiveled back to front.  Eventually, in my desperation for more money, I was allowed full time hours, along with anyone else who wanted them.  However, there was always the option to reduce hours and these requests were never refused.  It is only within the last two years that alien dictators have infiltrated management positions and any scope for leniency has been vapourised.

I have tried on several occasions to escape to ANY other department but have been blocked in every endeavour.  The reason given being, the civil service old favourite, ‘business needs.’  Meaning whatever the business needs it gets, no matter that my brain is mush, I cry into my keyboard daily, grind my teeth to the bleeding gums and leave a carpet of hair behind every day.  Why don’t you tell them, I hear you shout!  I have.  I have been doing this particular job for four years and it’s my second tour.  Previously I did it for two and a half years.  I have explained my near nervous breakdown to several managers, put it in writing, applied for transfers and other positions but they really don’t care.  A few weeks ago I asked to have my hours reduced by seven per week.  I even said my work was suffering and this may help me do a better job.  I also told them how stressed I was.  I got an answer with-in two days refusing the request due to business needs.  No matter that we have been told to reduce headcount and this would have helped!  I even told my manager AGAIN yesterday that I was really stressed with it and that no one wanted to help and she said, yes, I know – terrible, isn’t it and did absolutely nothing about it.

I have come to the depressing conclusion that I will leave this department in a wooden box.  And believe me, I won’t be the first.